Hannah's birth story

Birth stories are a big deal these days, everyone has one and often includes every gorey detail that no self respecting child wants to hear about when they get older. I never wrote down the twins' birth story. Sections don't really make for great stories, but I actually have one for Hannah...or rather a story about the day before Hannah's birth, so a year later, here it is... I checked in to the maternity hospital at 2pm the day before the section was scheduled. When I arrived I was informed by the midwives that I was supposed to have shaved in advance (as in Californian or Brazillian or whichever is the most comprehensive). Due to recessionary cutbacks in the Irish healthcare service, they told me I'd have to go and buy a razor and do it myself before the operation. This was at 5pm on monday. With a 9 month bump there was no way I was going to attempt to use a razor on an area I couldn't see (I wouldn't be caught dead using a razor at any time actually). So I raced around Limerick like a heavily pregnant lunatic, looking for a beautician who could fit me in before they closed at 6pm. I found one and had to do more begging because I was a euro short of the cost of a standard bikini wax (I didn't bring much cash into the hospital as due to recessionary cutbacks, thefts were a problem). She fitted me in and I had the most painful waxing of my life. I discovered later - like a week later - that she didn't do the sides, I guess that's what I'd have gotten with the extra euro. It was almost over when the hospital phoned to ask where I was...so I raced back and got told off for leaving. And that's what started my contractions. I spent the night in early labour and the morning walking around the hospital gardens with Sean, stopping every few minutes with the pain. Sadly I hadn't progressed by the time the section was scheduled so it went ahead as planned. Lying there with no feeling in my legs, my Limerick wax exposed to all the people bustling all around me, waiting to meet my new baby girl, a thought suddently struck me...why didn't I just buy Immac?